29 November 2004

The Monday Morning Siren

The Monday Morning Siren

As a child growing up in Wokingham - the country's safest Tory seat, and
home of the nation's highest average life expectancy, Monday morning's
serene middle class calm would be pierced at 10am by the Broadmoor Siren.
Crowthorne's very own Victorian hospital for the Criminally Insane, testing
it's escape alarm, sending a dark cloud of fear across Wokingham's sunlit
torpor. Don't really know why I'm mentioning this, apart from the fact that
it's Monday morning. Quite a few 'loonies' escaped as far as I remember -
one actually made a run for it down the high street, grabbed a baby from a
pram, and dashed it's brains out against a wall. Ah childhood memories,
golden days.
Well I must be off up the road in a moment of retrieve my little bundle of
joy from nursery...She's more likely to dash my brains out against the wall
I think.
Spent an idyllic afternoon yesterday in the company of one Mr Jim Reid and
his attractive young family. Reid you may remember, was once a singer of
sorts with the Jesus and Mary Chain. As a matter of interest to my more
socially interested readers, he comes from East Kilbride - Which has the
nation's lowest average life expectancy...possibly something to do with his
once suicidally degenerate appetites.
The point of this Hello magazine luvvies story, is that where once, our
meeting socially would result in binge drinking, visits from the narcotics
vendor and several days recovery time, yesterday's episode revolved around
entertaining our children, drinking tea and chatting about mortality.
To people below a certain age, this may sound trite, vaguely sad or deeply
sickening. However, those of us who have toppled over the brow of the hill
should see this as deeply life affirming and heart warming.
It is important to add however, that had our children and moral guardians
not been present, alcohol and substance abuse might have been the order of
the day. Or stronger tea at least.

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