29 December 2004

Dog spelt backwards is God

Listening to radio 3 - a violin piece - they usually are on radio 3. Anyway,
it's a respectable hour of the day. This not drinking is quite good for
helping you revisit the daytime. Of course the trick with sobriety is not to
let it make you a better person. The demon drink is great spin, but with a
bit of practice, 'demon' can be applied to most consumables. The demon
weetabix for example, or the demon toast and marmalade. Most of us are
fairly demonic...well, I am, and it doesn't necessarily take alcohol to
bring it to the surface. I am more than capable of being a total shit while
under the influence of nothing more toxic than Bombay mix.
Of course, with the perfect logic of an addict, I am beginning to
rationalize that because I have abstained for several days, I am cured, or
in fact, was never an addict...therefore, getting hammered on New Year's Eve
will be my reward...a handshake between liver, heart, mind and conscience.
An apology for paranoia and misdiagnosis and the happy realization that I am
no worse than anybody else on New years Day.
It's very difficult to spend time with people and not drink. What is the
point? Either we want to fuck, use or help them. Mostly, we would like to
see them with no clothes on. If the social rules were slightly different, we
wouldn't need that uninhibitor. Dogs and monkeys don't need to drink. They
cut out the build up of social niceties and just go straight for the
arse-sniff'n'greet. No need to talk about great new books, or put the new
Nick Cave record on. Dog's do not compliment one another on the dress
they're wearing or those lovely flowers. If the government really wanted to
cut alcoholism, they would promote canine behavior. I feel I might be
rambling here...what day is it?...

So before I get sectioned, I think I'll change the subject. Feeling slightly
guilty over my flippant references to Tsunamis...perhaps a little immature
over what has happened. Well no offence intended. Obviously it is bad....it
is bad...it is a bad bad thing..Oh yes, bad bad bad.
I realise that I went on rather a lot about the Ufton Nervet rail crash as
well. How can I explain this with out sounding like a psychopathic
misanthrope. I suppose the Orson Wells ferris wheel speech from the Third
Man about 'what if the dots stopped moving?' might be digging myself in
deeper. I can empathise, really I can...a bit. Just not enough for modern
standards. I'm not touchy feely enough. What if a lot of trustafarian Alex
Garland rainbow new age hippies did get swept out to sea? You see, I'm
missing the point. Mostly the poor coastal inhabitants whose lives were no
'garland' of roses to start with, got it as usual. And the rainbow techno
hippies have parents...etc. And they might have improved given the chance to
grow old. There - maturity and wisdom. And I am sorry it happened - really.
Pinkie Brown has lost a grand daughter, and I would not wish that to happen
to anybody.
Can we touch on the religious aspect of all this as well. Who believes in
God? You almost have to now. If the celestial press office didn't dream this
one up as the pr coup of the century, I'm a Dutch man. It's the timing you
see. 'Ignore me on my birthday will you fuckers? Winter sunshine when you
should be in church?' Christ, if I wasn't insane, I'd be a great politician.
Believe me, somebody will trot this argument out. Probably get sectioned
though.
My wife has gone to Cuba. Just had a text message from her. Plane delayed at
Gatwick for five hours. It's been commandeered to take supplies to the
Maldives. Still don't believe in God?

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