07 January 2005

The C(o)unt of Monte Cristo

Top of the morning to you. Finally managed to begin while the dew is still
on the grass and comfortably overfed people trot out cliches on breakfast
television. The morning serenity is only pierced by the clanking of the
boiler man in the other room, going about his business. Yes, I couldn't wait
any longer rock'n'roll motherfuckers. Today will end with yours truly in non
metaphorical hot water...perleease.
Finally got the Black Box Recorder mailing list from One Little Indian, so I
can do a little direct marketing. These are people who filled out a form in
Passionoia, and actually wanted to be kept updated...now they will be.
Unfortunately, the list isn't quite as vast as I'd hoped. Perhaps there is
another one somewhere as well. Slightly embarrassing to do it, but I think
I'll have to send an email to many people, pointing out that their lives
will be sad, short and grey unless 'You buy Half Awake today...hey hey' or
something along those lines.
I believe that it's also important to get website links...preferably to
sites that receive a lot of hits. To this end, I shall be approaching Paris
Hilton, Jordan and the Disaster Relief Fund.
I've been trying to write my own press release...it's harder than it sounds.
Writing other peoples' is a piece of .... but to talk about yourself in the
third person is not. ' he is the best thing since sliced bread...he's very
good at playing the guitar...he's got a way with words...he's influenced by
Aleister Crowley and Britney Spears...' Difficult you see. And self
censorship. Too much information is worse that none at all. Most of you
reading this might have deduced my now, that I am not living on a private
island smoking Monte Cristos surrounded by naked ladies drip feeding me
champagne...but should I let the man who writes for the Milton Keynes Argos
into this secret?
To tell you the truth, it's only the island and the champagne that are
lacking. I am surrounded by ladies in various states of dishevelment - one
I'm married to, the other's nappy I have to change...daughter - before you
ask. They are safely back from Cuba, severely jet-lagged....but guess what -
they brought me Monte Cristos.
On a sobering note...(not that I need one, clean liver fans - I'm off the
sauce again), Sarah now tells me that this once in a lifetime family holiday
to Cuba was actually a toss up between Castro's Socialist peoples' republic
and the island paradise of Phuket. Nuff Said.

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