13 February 2005

The Germ Organization Announce the General Election

As Big Ben prepares to toll it's midnight bell, another weekend melts like snow into the hard ground of next week's prosaic sod. Sorry about that. I know that is not the greatest sentence ever committed to posterity. Anyway, another weekend over. I've hit the Jamesons, so forgive me if I come over all lyrical and maudlin.
Yet again, we've failed to go to church. I say this not as a religious man, but as a hypocrite who'd like to get his offspring into a decent school. What the hell are we to do? There are a few other boxes to tick on the application form, but God bothering is right at the top. Third box down is 'other reasons your child should be condsidered for a C of E school'. I'm trying to think of some cast iron, solid gold certs to put. How about 'because the head of your governors was spotted entering the star of the east massage parlour at three in the afternoon and leaving at three in the morning? or, I am a property developer who will buy and bulldoze you if you don't...or our daughter is the devil, and only you can save the world from her.
Looks like she'll be going to 'Crack Whore High' afterall. At least we tried.
I'm feeling confused and slightly guilty. Who am I going to vote for in the next election. I can't see myself voting for a war criminal, a conservative - other than Boris or Jazzman Ken, and although my family have always voted liberal, Charles Kennedy is a ginger abortion...perhaps that'as a bit unfair, but I am drunk. I often imagine standing myself - 'Moore - Aesthetic Jihad..takes Wokingham from the tories'. It's a 100% swing to Aesthetic Jihad. The executions start here.
I like politics and I love elections. My dear departed Dadster was the agent for the libs in Wokingham during the elections of the sevs. Although they never stood a cat in hells's chance, these were my Tom Sawyer/Huck Finn days. Flypostering, opposition poster ripping and chucking eggs and setting traps. I was genuinely scared of consevatives - You could tell they were evil...wobbling double chins. Wokingham is of course the safest Tory seat in the country. John Klingon Redwood is the mp. When I was growing up, it was a Dutchman/Auschwitz guard called Willem Van Straubenzee. Nobody questioned his asylum/euro credentials. Innoccent days. Simple days. Labour were too common, tories too posh...Politicians need charisma. Where the fuck is David Ownen when we need him? I remember being caught egging the tory campaign office on Rose Street, and being dragged in there...like being captured by the nazis. My father had to pretend he hadn't put me up to it when he collected me. I was well rewarded.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

It would be kind if you would amend your post regarding The Germ Organization Announce the General Election. William van Straubenzee was not an Auchwitz guard. He lived his entire life in England, his family were originally Dutch and have been living in this country since the 18th century. It is most unkind to his family to print incorrect truths about him and I think you should appologise.

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