03 February 2005

Wacko Jacko, Dotty Doherty and Bert Weedon's Fingers

Morning rat fans - or to the clockwatchers amonst you, good afternoon. It's only just reached the midday point ,so I feel justified in my a.m assertions.
Just heard that young Peter Doherty has had his collar felt yet again. This is not good news, as I believe there is a suspended sentence hanging over him...who would break a butterfly on the wheel? Practically everyone these days. What about a deathshead moth responsible for corrupting the sweet handmaidens of albion...the time for stripey suits and vaseline may once again be close at hand. We have our very own Michael Jackson. There's a joke in here somewhere, and if I find it, I'll let you know. What was that funny policeman saying about a crackdown on middle class drug use? Well now you've got your man Mr Blair, you can cancel operation 'raid my dinner party'.

Any way, I'm supposed to be talking about my empty eventless existence, not someone elses thrill a minute. Some of you will be pleased to know that I've taken my guitar out of it's case. I am refamiliarizing myself with it. Hopefully, some form of psychic osmosis will occur. I've got a little shrine. All the lyrics are typed out, plectrum and capo laid next to them. By the end of today, I'll be posessed with the fingers of Bert Weedon and the memory of a particularly vindictive camel. I did try actually playing some songs at the weekend, but was immediately set upon by my daughter telling me to stop at once.
Anyway, those of you who attend next Wednesday's bash won't be expecting music will you? In the spirit of modernity, I'll spend most of the gig crowd surfing, before being led from the venue by friends and security staff and placed in the ambulance back to Fairmile. Thankyou for your time.

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