07 March 2005

This is The week That Is

I am typing this nonsense at an angle of 220 degrees. Awkward but do-able. I do not wish to exit the bed just yet, and there are too many wires to rearrange to give me a level playing field. In an attempt at remaining comfortable, I run the risk of giving myself a sporting injury. How ironic eh...me the Sports Editor of the Idler, finally acquiring a sporting qualification - albeit, a torn ligament.
Well, the countdown begins. Five days from now, I will be on University Challenge, pitting my depleted wits against ...they won't tell us who we're against. I hope it's a team of page three girls from the Sun, or The Caravan Club of Great Britain. It will more likely be The Stephen Hawking All Stars, featuring Alan de Botton and The Oracle. So, humiliation awaits - for them baby, I'm not worried...
My brain routine starts this morning. I shall be off the sauce, eating vegetables - rather than being one, lots of fish and fruit...and lashings of ginger beer. I'll reawaken dormant cells, summon up me intellectual powers and get my finger on that buzzer. Of course nobody likes a smart arse, so I might give a few wrong answers to endear myself to the thick - that'll be my excuse.
Of course the most important question of the whole event, is what shall I wear? I wonder if we can get sponsorship? It would be great to all wear Armani - It'd look like a mafia trial.
Obviously, I'll need to consider product placement. I have a record to flog after all...which incidentally, is in the shops as of today - don't you dare buy it in the shops mind you. Buy it here. I only sent it to the shops because I needed the space at home.

I don't suppose they'll be too amused if i turn up with a sandwich board. Perhaps a top hat covererd with cds.
I could just answer all the questions i don't know as " Is it Half Awake by John Moore?"
Ooh, so many possibilities.
By the way - any newspaper editors reading this - (I have a rather high opinion of my blog readership don't I? )- I would be delighted to write the whole experience into a feature for your weekend glossy section...for a small consideration obviously. I bet my fellow team members have already done this...well one at least - yes you Tommy.
Right, I've got to get up now. In fifteen minutes time, I shall be waiting outside the local nursery to fetch a small child. Don't worry everybody - it's my little Ave the Rave.
Te ra.

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