01 February 2006

Rip Van Winkle Rides Again

Good Morning boys and girls,
 Excuse me if I'm a little rusty, but I have been asleep for rather a long
 time. As I open my eyes and survey the world around me, so much has 
changed.

 Firstly, good news for all the ladies in the world, and terrifying news 
for husbands everywhere. Due to events beyond my control - no matter what 
anyone says...I find myself single once again. Oh yes, I know this must come as a
 bombshell to many, but there is no easy way to break news of this nature.
 However, after the initial unpleasantness of marital meltdown, a semblance
 of normality and civility has returned, and me and the old old lady are on
 good terms. Of course, it all represents a massive failure on both our 
parts- although I suspect rather more on mine...but still, no point in 
quibbling.
 Our dear heir, although rather bewildered by events at first, appears to 
be in good spirits, and is enjoying playing one parent off against the other.
 She has just started school, and happily, there have been no incidences of
 attacking other children, stabbing teachers, shop lifting, happy slapping,
 or cries for help of any kind. Her hoodie is a duffel coat which she wears
 in a non threatening way.
 My dear erstwhile colleague Haines played one of his periodic pop concerts
 this evening, and was supported by Sarah...the Black Box Recorder family,
 dysfunctional though it is, still loves each other. My contribution to the
 night's proceedings was to baby sit...a vital part of any musical set up,
 and of far more value than say - rhythm guitar.
 On the domestic front - and this should make me sound highly sexy and
 desirable - I am residing temporarily - with my dear Mother, am 
practically penniless, and if I am not liberated soon, will put on weight...this
 aphrodisiac description of my new self should be enough to ensure
 Beatlemania in the semi rural suburb to which I am confined. To make 
myself sound even more alluring, I have become very fond of the Men and Motors
 channel on the television - after Mum's gone to bed of course.

 My only hope of salvation, seems to be, that I have finished the novel - 
in fact I finished it in December, but I always start the year slowly. It is
 now with an agent, who decided to take it on...probably out of pity, and 
my mother's begging. All I can do now is wait for vast wealth and acclaim -
while keeping the other eye on the job ads in the local gazette for 'part
 time pot men' at the pub.
 Apparently - this is according to the advertisements on the Men and Motors
 channel- if I text 'Babes' to a certain number, I will be put in touch 
with two gorgeous ladeez in my area. I am rather skeptical about this, and so
 far, have resisted the temptation to try it. I happen to know that the 
only two ladeez in my area are well past eighty.
 Well that's it for now, although with nothing better to do, I may resume
 regular briefings, should anybody be kind enough to want to read them.
 Must dash, have to go and read the bible now.
 Good Night.

 

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