28 March 2006

The Return of the Moore

Many of you will be pleased to know, that the melancholic mania of my recent postings
seems to be subsiding. I put this down to the proximity of spring. My stomach has not got any larger - in fact it is receding quite satisfactorily. My preferred method of bodily reduction, is exercise. Twenty sit ups and twenty press ups. These can be done very close to the couch, and once completed, the couch can be remounted, and the fag left burning in the ash tray for the duration of the workout, reinhaled.
The fecalith I feared was turning my innards to stone, seems to have vanished, so my emergeny plans for disbursement with dynamite, or a team of midget miners, has proved unnecessary ( if i have mis-spelt this word, it is not because I am stupid, it's aixelsyd ). The miners have been stood down, paid off and sent back to Peru.

I am planning to go over the wall soon.A new white suit has been purchased so I will blend seamlessly back into polite society.
I believe I am involved in a form of musical activity this week, playing the musical saw at the Whitechapel Gallery. However, before you rush out to buy tickets, I must warn you that they are £80. It's some sort of art/charity bash. I will be donating my fee to Great Ormond Street Childrens' Hospital - although I will demand that the promoters pay me in cash, and trust my word as to its intended destination. There is actually another White Suit that I quite like the look of, so perhaps the little 'bed blockers' will have to whistle..
I am still in publishing limbo with the bloody novel - can't any of these idiots recognize literary genius when it comes knocking? Oh they can?
Although it pains me to admit it, it might be a good idea if I got a job - temporarily - until the royalties roll in. If you are in a position to employ me for a high salary, do drop me a line. Perhaps I could head a government Think Tank or something.
Anyway, I'm off to stroll the grounds, smoke a fag, and write something. Perhaps I'll even venture into the shed and switch on some musical recording devices. Arctic Monkeys - you have been warned. Prepare for the return of the Moore.

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