20 September 2006

Old Pulteney Single Malt

I've just watched a documentary on the television about Princes William and Harry, and their prospective brides - Kate and Chelsy. I'd forgotten that there was some kind of deal done to let these young men grow up - relatively unmolested by the media - to ensure their transit through adolescence to manhood ran smoothly. Oh fuck, I'm afraid there's going to be more of this stuff soon. This one featured the esteemed Jenny Bond - a woman...on the birth certificate at least, and a man with bleached hair and effeminate gestures who may or may not be the wedding frock designer. I know I'm being trivial here - what on earth is an aesthete like my self even doing watching stuff like this you might well ask? Car Crash television...no pun intended, when I could be watching Curb Your Enthusiasm or MTV Cribs? It just so happened that I'd consumed some delightful whisky - purchased from the Royal Berkshire Livestock show, and I was unable to get up from my seat, or indeed - locate the channel changer. Rather like Alex in Clockwork Orange, forced to witness attrocities with his eyes pinned open...although it was quite entertaining. I can now predict with some accuracy, the next ten years. It's a bit grim I'm afraid.

What occurs to me while being force fed this stuff, is that we've got it all wrong, and with a few minor adjustments all could be well. The solution is close at hand if we could but grasp it. There are many right thinking people, who but for a ha'apeth of tar could all be singing from the same hymn books.
We're fighting the Taliban in Afghanistan - a group of committed young men, whose enthusiasm could be coralled towards the greater good - with the merest of re education. They're not very respectful to ladies, but...if they could be re programmed somewhat, they'd be extrememly useful. Once they had embraced the sisterhood they could be imported to these shores. Do you think they'd stand for late night television? No way. Big Brother? The heads would be off before even tourettes victim could say Fuck Robinson. Apart from the ladies thing...and an intolerence to music, how do they differ in outlook from ecologists? I am quite certain that Osama Bin Laden would advocate the use of compost toilets, wind power, and better school meals.
Many of the people who dislike the current playlisting policy of Radio One, would share many other views with those engaged in Jihad. Pixel animation, Hollywood blockbusters...nearly everything on BBC 3.
I might draw a balloon diagram to illustrate this. In the outer balloons will be some of the more obscure, irrational hatreds, but the cross overs will show a remarkable similarity in world views. Did you know for example that the last gig Osama Bin Laden attended was Donny and Marie Osmond in Ryhad in 1983? Or that he was until 1987, a member of the Earth Wind and Fire fan club? Or that he was a guest of this country at the Royal Wedding in 1981? Even as late as 2000, he wrote a letter to Kylie Minogue requesting a private performance...who knows how things might have differed had she accepted? What is particularly galling about all this, is that George W Bush was also a member of the Earth Wind and Fire fanclub. They might disagree on certain ideologies but the two fuckers share a record collection.
Did you know that Pope Benedict drove a VW Golf? So did Osama. So did Tony. There's room for dialogue.
What we need is a great big melting pot. I'm calling for world peace....here, now...and I'll be in charge. Good night.


Anonymous Martin said...

Apart from the ladies thing...and an intolerence to music, how do they differ in outlook from ecologists?

Well some of them have embraced the possiblities of air travel. Swooping into buildings on board great big silvery darts of doom is difficult to render carbon neutral.
You could have a go I suppose.

4:36 AM  

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