27 October 2006

Movers and Shakers

Almost done. The move is in progress. My Burghfieldness is receding, and I estimate that I am now more than fifty percent Londoner. Tomorrow, my beautiful (yet hardly missed since being put into storage a year ago),record collection must be moved - this will not be pleasant. Still, it’s the price for resisting emcroaching ipodism, and you never know, I might become intersted in music again.

When the estate agent met me to let me into the flat this evening
( the lease actually starts from Saturday) we were surprised to discover a naked man having a bath. I hadn’t noticed him when I viewed the property. Thankfully he didn’t come with it, but was a friend of the landlord who had been cleaning the place. We exchanged general pleasantaries, then he put on his trousers and left.

Sadly, Old Haines’ health has deteriorated significantly since yesterday and I can reveal that he was unable to offer his services today. I am sure you will all join me in wishing him a speedy and fulsome recovery, and that he will emerge from his sickbed, a better,stronger man. To be perfectly honest, I think there might be some truth in his sick schtick…not much it has to be said.. but a bit. Only a cynic would doubt the veracity of his coughing. However, when did one ever need to be healthy to lift boxes…I’d have thought being delirious with fever was the ideal state for this kind of thing. This great country of ours was not built by healthy, well rested, clean living yeomen. It was wheezed together by hacking old hunchbacks, fag in mouth and complaining of back ache non stop. Luckily, I’ve still got plenty to move, so he’ll have an extra day to recover - If any of you reading this distressing news are now doubting whether or not to risk buying tickets to see him play next week, don’t worry. I am sure he’ll make an instant recovery the second the last stick of furniture goes up my stairs, and he’ll be in ruder health than ever.

Luckily I was not without assistance though. My dear friend Phillip - who I’ve known most of my life, had the misfortune to be visiting this week - in his Volvo Estate. Mother also volunteered - but I forbade her from lifting anything heavier than a grand piano.

Also in attendance were Mr Eddie Argos and his friend Keith Top of he Pops, from the wonderful - and getting huge in the States Art Brut. Worried that sudden wealth and fame might go to his head and spoil him in some way, I suggested a bit of manual labour to help keep his feet on the ground - naturally he jumped at the offer….
Six days ago he was selling out the Irving Plaza in New York and performing on prime time tv. Tonight he lugged a mattress up two flights of stairs, with the bearing and grace of a true gentleman…albeit an out of breath gentleman with an absinthe hangover. Some people deserve to be successful…
Next week, find out how I fare in the local pub, interact with shopkeepers, and re-learn how to cook….Watch this space.

Oh yes, one other thing. I found a load of old John Moore and the Expressway t-shirts in a box. If you’d like one, I’m sure we can come to some kind of arrangement. They’re not all that great though.


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