09 November 2006

Decadent and Idle

What a productive day I’m having. I’ve finally managed to install Broadband, and am feeling empowered, omnipotent and not a little smug. I think the Virgin helpline must be located somewhere in the North East, as both – extremely helpful advisers, sounded eerily like Weirside Jack. Had these been the dark and dangerous days of the late nineteen seventies, the Yorkshire Police would have arrested the entire call centre. " You are no nearer to making your broadband work than you have ever been…" Anyway, enough of technical matters, I am connected to modernity and that’s that.

I am still feeling the after effects of a night on the old Absinthe – something I swore I’d never touch again. It’s had such a profoundly ruinous effect on my constitution, that even the innocent morning taste of Kingfisher toothpaste can induce a hangover. I attended the launch party for The Decadent Handbook – to which I contributed a chapter on the pleasures of casual drug use – a little hobby I enjoyed in my early twenties to help pass the time between musical engagements and visits to the unemployment office – and something which of course I no longer advocate…ah the wisdom and hypocrisy of age.

In retrospect, it was probably not the wisest event to take a young lady to who I was hoping to impress…although it doesn’t seem to have done Pete Doherty any harm. She made her excuses and left early, citing a morning flight to Scotland – and an indefinite trip to Africa – thus freeing me up for a night of dubious behaviour.
As a contributor to the book, I was rewarded with a bottle of La Fee Absinthe. Nicely ironic as I was a founder of the company. Doubly so, as the bottle still features an illustration of my ex-wife’s eye. It’s like a bloody Hank Williams song. I can’t even drink her off my mind, because she’s staring down at me from the bar. Anyway, the bottle didn’t make it home – but I did – and was woken at two thirty next afternoon by my landlord, who arrived with a plumber... to fix the electric heater - I explained that I was feeling a little under the weather due to being cold and was having a duvet day.

Played at an Idler event in Oxford last night at John Lloyd’s QI club. These events are always slightly awkward. Tom Hodgkinson expounds the Idler philosophy to interested types, skilfully debunking the tiresome yet oft repeated accusation by some smart Alec, that we are merely feckless layabouts. Quoting extensively from great works of literature, poetry and philosophy, he embarrasses them for such provincial simplicity. It is at these moments that I begin to perspire and shift uneasily in my chair like a guilty schoolboy struggling to maintain his composure of innocence, while wanting to blurt out for all to hear. " Please Sir, I am a feckless layabout."

30 Comments:

Blogger Hamilton's Brain said...

Oh, that was a guilty look, was it? I thought you were just wincing at Tom's vocal stylings.

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Blogger John Moore said...

That too...god, he get's worse.

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Anonymous Garreth said...

Um... No saw in Liverpool? Haines was in fine form, but some saw action would have been preferable... Especially given that I managed to make a whole three people wear Aeris Presley badges (a record, by anyone's count).

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