08 December 2006

Blue Plaque

It is with immense pride, that I can reveal to you, that my birthplace and childhood home has been marked with a blue plaque. I didn’t attend the unveiling ceremony, preferring to remain asleep, and by the look of things, the burghers and dignitaries of Wokingham weren’t there either – not even the Rt Hon John Redwood MP – which is unusual.
Of course, my commemorative plaque was an unofficial one, placed there in the dead of night and photographed, by deranged fans, intent on correcting the omissions of the National Trust.

Of course this kind of activity should not be encouraged, leading as it might to all sorts of unpleasantness with the authorities, present occupants, and one’s own high standing in society. However, at my present level of popularity, I am not in a position to exclude any body purporting to be a fan, based merely on outdated and bigoted criteria such sanity and risk posed to the public. Anyway, the plaque looked excellent, and must have taken ages to make.

I would be prepared to wager that even Jodie Foster must have felt a slight tingle of satisfaction when her deranged fan took pot shots at The Gipper on her behalf. Obviously she couldn’t say so at the time, and will perhaps have to remain forever schtumm…but it sure beats chocolates as a way of saying " I love you."
I suppose that using a national newspaper to solicit crime is against editorial policy, but should anybody out there feel like having a pop at George W Bush - as an early combined birthday and Christmas present for me, it would not go unappreciated…just keep my name out of it please – and bear in mind – you would not be able to claim derangement and insanity as a defence against this particular individual.

On a sadder note…not for you perhaps, I am afraid that I’ve got a head cold. One ear is completely blocked, and I have awful sinus pain. I flitted in and out of sleep all night, a dull pain attacking my upper gnashers, while across this wretched planet, Shane Warne destroyed the last vestiges of hope for a bright new dawn. And I’m smoking again and I don’t care.


Anonymous Roger said...

'Ow bist John

I'm just catching up with Luke's recent appearance on Radio 2.

Glad to see that you got in an e-mail to Ms Long warning her about the Haines.

He did seem remarkably cheerful. I swear he even giggled at one point !!

Keep on sawing


8:00 AM  

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