23 December 2006

The Fog Blog

The Fog.


Is it just me, or is everybody enjoying the Pea-Souper which is shrouding the nation? Flights grounded ( a fine oxymoron), wreaking havoc with the festive plans of frequent flyers, unable to get from Scarborough to Halifax via Gatwick and John Lennon airport. Don’t people realise that we have a perfectly functioning canal system, and that it is possible to walk from Lands End to John O’ Groats in just under two hours?
Ahh, another swirl is rolling in, enveloping my street/senses ( bad poetry impulse alert.).
God I love this fog - it’s properly old fashioned and macabre – like a funeral in the good old days, when Laudanum was available at Boots, and even our serial killers were the Prince of Wales
I’ve been overdoing things slightly, and am having trouble sitting upright, let alone thinking cogently. Should this festive address be deleted by sober journalists (is that another oxymoron?), I will completely understand.
Before condemning me out of hand, I’d just like to fill you in on the utter bleakness that lies ahead over the coming days. Not only is it the birthday of our Lord Jesus and Shane Macowan, it is also mine. The twenty bloody third of December - wretched. No chance of enjoyment, as everybody except yer good old fashioned cockernee chimney sweeps will be bedding down at Heathrow waiting for the fog to clear. Christmas eve involves some driving, so a clear head is required. The fact that my birthday falls practically nine months to the day after my late father’s, also conjures up unpalatably tasteless visions of candlelit spag bog, Cinzano Bianco, Max Bygraves, and the Brentford Nylons Riviera range - Be glad that you do not live in my head.
By the way, if my dear mother is reading this, please take note. If you have booked a table at The Fondue Pot again, I shall run away and join the foreign legion.

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